


Amnesty

by Slowmotion_TM



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Character Study, Church is Bad at Feelings, Established Relationship, Gen, Missing Scene, Season/Series 13 Spoilers, So is Wash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 03:34:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17134220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slowmotion_TM/pseuds/Slowmotion_TM
Summary: You just met the weird and twitchy Freelancer, that goes by the name of Agent Washington and you just can’t shake the horrible feeling, that you owe him an apology. That alone doesn’t give you a conclusion.Church and Wash and their damn mess of a relationship- and a conversation that stretches out way too long and ends way too fast.





	Amnesty

You were fine during your _oh, so long_ 14 months of isolation. Well, a mission to be exact. Even if you still have to figure out, what the mission exactly entails. But you have more than enough time. At the very least it was quite on your outpost and no Caboose was walking around in a way too eager manner and shooting his riffle around in excitement. There was no “Church, I missed you so much!” and “Imagine all the sleepovers we are going to have!” You bring one hand up to your temple. A headache is already starting to form behind your eyes. Really, within those 14 month there was no Caboose, no Tucker, no actual work, no red team- oh and no…

You steal a glance to the left, and eye the man walking next to Caboose suspiciously.

And no Agent Washington.

 

You honest to god can’t make any sense out of the guy. He’s serious and never talks about himself. He’s distant and cold and you’re pretty sure he has gone insane a long time ago. To make it quick; He is weird. And it’s not only he himself that is weird. There are those looks of recognition he gives you from time to time. Like he knows you and like you used to be someone- **something** \- to him.

And the worst part about it is- you feel it too. 

But you don’t want to feel it.

You are you, and Leonard Church never cares about other people or what kind of connections he might have with them, because you straight up don’t care. 

You just want to find the crashed ship of your (ex?) girlfriend and find out that above and below all expectations she somehow made it out of that ship, before it blew up. And then the two of you are going to leave the military and all of those idiots behind and start a whole new life.

**This** is what you want. Not some weird psychic connection with the guy, that just murdered his own teammate. Freak 

But well, you never get what you want- do you?

 

But that isn’t even the worst thing about all this mess. The absolute worst thing is, that whenever you look at the other man, a strange and unknown feeling is rising deep within you. At first you thought, you’re going to get sick, but the feeling didn’t disappear. 

There are words forming on your tongue, which you never used before- especially with a complete stranger. 

You make a promise to yourself, to never be alone with the Freelancer, because hell knows what you’ll end up saying to him, if Caboose isn’t here to provide a never-ending sound of chatter.

 

You’re not stupid. You know this feeling is remorse and you feel obliged to apologize. And you also know, that you are never going to apologize.

* * *

Caboose is on the ground in mere seconds, after the Meta shoots him down. You run up to him as fast as you can- Agent Washington on your heels. 

“He’ll make it, don’t worry. He’s just unconscious right now.” That are the first words Wash speaks directly to you. All those days you’ve been together, you communicated in the context of a group. Not like two people speaking to each other. 

You nudge Caboose seemingly lifeless arm with you foot and nod. “Good”, you say. There is an uncomfortable silence between you like heavy fog, and no one of you feels tempted to break it. Because, why would you? You are Leonard Church, and this is special Agent Washington and Caboose body is lying in front of you and there is nothing you can do.

 

You don’t apologize.

* * *

A short time after that you figure out, that maybe you aren’t Leonard Church. Not in the way you thought you were. Maybe this whole conspiracy theory is true, and you are Alpha. A fricking calculator. Well, a high-functional AI, but really, what’s the difference? 

And maybe grumpy and twitchy Freelancer Washington actually had a reason to look at you, the way he does. And maybe - **maybe** \- you had the right to feel, as if you owe him an apology. 

He asks you to go into his head again- _because the first time went that well_ \- and you know you are going to die. It’s not the preferred outcome, but whatever. You still don’t think it’s a good idea, especially since you know what happened after the first implantation. Well, you don’t _know _it. You heard of it. Strangely enough you yourself weren’t present.__

Technically it’s your first time as an AI in someone’s head, and you got to say, it’s a whole lot scarier than it sounds. Which is ridiculous, because this is exactly what you were made for. But the overwhelming **everything** inside of Washingtons head is driving you crazy and making you scream.

“Calm down…”, he tells you and his voice feels like thunder. “Stop moving around so much and you’ll be fine.” You both know you are certainly not going to be fine- quite the opposite actually- but you don’t dwell on it. Apparently Wash has the whole _having-an-AI-stuffed-inside-your-head_ figured out a lot faster than you, but then again, this **is** your first time, but not his.

 

So, you both brace for what feels like the final battle against the director. 

You can’t feel or read his thoughts, which is already kind of weird. But you aren’t any good at being an AI yet anyway. You can feel your own thoughts just fine however. The pressing and persisting feeling you had all the time back, when searching for Tex spaceship still hasn’t vanished. Is he able to feel your thoughts?

You gulp. 

Oh well, nothing really matters this close before death anyway. 

“Hey, Wash”, you speak out. “Yeah?” The voice in which he responds, sounds different than yours. Like it was spoken or thought on another frequency. You seriously regret, you don’t get to learn more about being an AI. It is just starting to sound kind of cool. 

 

“I’m sorry…” 

 

There is a lot of silence after this and even being inside of his mind, doesn’t help you figuring out what this guy is thinking. 

 

“I know.” You search for forgiveness and understanding in his voice. In his mind. But you can’t find any. Surely, it’s because you are no able to do that yet. 

It also doesn’t help, that you know this is a lie.

* * *

The next time you meet, isn’t really a next time at all. It’s a first time. Because now you weren’t Alpha, now you are Epsilon, and even if Wash has already met Epsilon before, you have yet to meet him. Or at least you obviously couldn’t remember meeting him. Until you do.

 

Now you are a shiny metal ball with the ability to fly- and also a lot of anger inside your holographic code. The second you see Washington run up to you, you feel it. The burst of emotions, voices and memories, that aren’t really yours, are overflowing your artificial brain. 

Anger is rising from deep within you and- _You are cleared for the implant now_ -pain and- _today is your birthday, Epsilon_ and- **I am Leonard Church and** -DEATH and- _Allison_ and-

 

**Agent Washington**

 

Before you know it, you cut stone and walls with a laser and the whole world turns red. 

“…Epsilon…?” Wash is standing before you- the Meta right behind him. You are panting, which is a ridiculous thing to say, because you are just a compilation of data. You are livid, and you can’t quite say why. You don’t miss the way your former partner looks at you. Like he is overwhelmed by his own traumatic memories. He met Alpha before- hell, even let the guy into his head, but Epsilon is a completely different thing than Alpha. And no one knows that better than the Freelancer paired with him. 

“I **said** -” Your voice burst through the dry air of the outpost “- I am _sorry_ !” You know, you don’t sound like it. The words are full of furry, not remorse. Suddenly you wish, that you had hit him with the laser. It would have put an end to this mess, that is your relationship.

You don’t know what you expected. It certainly wasn’t an answer. But this is what you get. An answer, mirroring the same rage and anguish as your own statement. 

“I **know**!”, he shouts back at you. No one knows why exactly you two are ready to tear each other to pieces, but here you are, standing in the middle of a boxed canyon and screaming your guts out.

 

Until you realize, that this is definitely a poor choice of timing on your part. You could have had your stare-off at literally every other point and time. Because right now, the Meat is trying to kill two of your best friends, and if you want them to still be alive tomorrow, you have to actually do something to help them. So, you turn away from the other man, with the thought in mind, that he’s surely going to find you again. He always does.

* * *

And so, he does. He and Agent Mai- the Meta find you and Texas. Despite your previous statement Sidewinders might be an even worse place to hold a conversation. Especially since Wash, Tex, the Meta and the Reds are literally trying to blow each other’s head of. There’s no physically possible way, that you are going to survive this battle if you start helping too, so you do your best to stay out of it. 

The Reds are pushing the Meta over an edge, down to his certain death. It’s probably the coolest thing you have ever see them do. Not that you are ever going to admit it.

 

Wash is lying a couple feet away from you, so you make your way through the snow and come to a halt right before him. He glances up at you and gives a huff of recognition. You check his status out of habit.  
It’s not ideal, a couple of broken bones, but he had worse. You kneel down in the snow beside him, before you’re aware of what you are doing. The confusion on his face is apparent, even when you can’t see his face. 

“Your current status is at 67.8%. We can help it by-“ - “Get **away** from me!” He cuts you off and slaps the helping hand away, you’ve been extending. 

 

Oh…

You pretend it doesn’t hurt

 

The sound of bickering between the Reds and remain Blues is being suppressed by the snow and the distant you two are keeping to the scene. The only thing breaking the silence, are the shallow breaths of the former special agent.

You grip the snow and press it together in your hands. There is no way you can feel it’s cold. There is no use to talk him into accepting your help. He’s way to stubborn for this and you have some pride left after all. You won’t beg him to take your first-aid advice, so he doesn’t wake up tomorrow in an even worse condition. And maybe you’re a bit bitter. But you have enough reasons to be.

 

So, you decide, _screw his feelings_ , you took all of those inconvenience onto you to finish a conversation. And you are going to finish it, if the other party involved wants to, or not.

“I want you to accept my apology and forgive me.” You try to pretend, that the sentence by itself doesn’t sound pitiful. You are the Director, and Alpha and Epsilon and a soldier and the center of the whole thing that was Project Freelancer. You don’t need one guys forgiveness to move one with your life. Except that you do. 

There is no way for you to read his emotions. With a pang of annoyance, you note it as some kind of pattern within your conversations. But you can feel his heartrate speed up and feel the overly familiar feeling of anger coming of in waves from the gray-yellow armored solider. 

“Before you get mad at me again,” You consider calming him down, by trying to weight him down with your arms, but quickly realize this is a truly horrible idea. So, you do without it. 

“It can’t be this hard to just say three words. Stop making your and my life miserable by being so fricking hostile all the time. Seriously, that’s not good for your health.”

That got his attention.

“Good for my health?!” He laughs dryly. “Are you insane?”

“Look who’s asking…” In this moment you very quickly learn, that even with multiple broken bones and a few internal injuries, Wash is still very much able to throw you down into the snow and twist your limbs into a position, you are pretty sure is not a good place for them to be at. You also learn, that your fake and made up body transmits pain, from being thrown on the ground and being shot by your girlfriend on the exact same level. You could have done without the knowledge, really. 

The Freelance catches himself faster than you can mutter something in your defense and now you lie- free again- next to him in the snow. You don’t have time for that. Tex just went into the memories unit. This is bad. Even before you decided that you’re going to follow her into certain death, you somehow knew you’re going to die today. Again. Damn, you’re getting a Déjà vu. And your patience is running out. Again.

 

You pull yourself up. “Just tell me-“- “I will.” He doesn’t look up at you. That’s not a good sign, but you ignore it. “Not today. One day. I’ll say it one day.”

And you decide, that _one day_ sounds okay. You can live with _one day_. 

There is no time anymore. You have some lot more important things to keep track of. Like the Meta, who is dead. And Allison, that possibly just ran up ahead to her own death sentence. _Again_. 

Or your own self-sacrifice to save all of your friends. 

…again. 

You’re getting really tried of doing this.

* * *

Of course, you aren’t really dead. You never are. They brought you back to the world of the living and now you aren’t just Epsilon anymore. You are an actual AI. The dead-not-so-dead Freelancer Carolina is your partner this time. It’s not Wash. After everything it’s never going to be Wash again. 

The hologram Chamber makes you feel big. Well, it makes you seem big. It wouldn’t be half as bad, if you weren’t filled with an all too familiar emotion again. Rage is pulsing trough your veins once again and if you had any blood, you’re sure, you’d be able to hear it boiling. 

Because your team is a bunch of idiots.

You finally **finally** have all means to find and kill the director. This bastard who put you, the Freelancers, the Reds and Blues, his own daughter and Allison trough years of pain and torture. And your own team is turning their backs at you and refusing to raid his facility and kill him. 

So, you do the logical thing. Maybe. Maybe not.

You shout at them, because what else is there to do?

You yell that, _of course you can’t trust them, and they chicken out the first possible chance they get_ \- you watch the red team leave- _they are such idiots, that they can’t even see what’s really important right now_ \- you watch Tucker leave, telling Caboose to follow him- _and they are all just leaving you behind_ \- you watch Washington leave.

 

And something inside you snaps. 

 

“It's not exactly like you're new to the concept is it!?” That makes him stop, but he doesn’t turn to look back at you.

 

Your stomach drops, and you instantly know, that _one day_ possibly just moved forever out of your reach. 

Carolina shoots both of you a confused look, because she can feel that something is off, but Wash ignores her- he just held a gun to the head of his oldest friend, and there is a whole thing going on between them, that they have to sort out first- so you ignore her too. 

 

You don’t die this time, but you still have the feeling that you won’t see the other Freelancer anytime soon.

* * *

So, stuff happens and instead of returning home, like all of you planned, you’re caught up in the middle of a civil war, that isn’t so civil after all. 

There aren’t many chances for you to talk to Wash at this point- mostly because you left the group. You and Carolina.

And when you came back, everyone was incredibly pissed off at you. You should have seen this coming, really.

But you’re not used to the Reds treating you, like you are nothing but air, and Tucker giving you looks, that would definitely kill you, if you were still human. Even Caboose isn’t talking to you. You groan in annoyance. 

You put up with all of this, just to come back to them and being treated like garbage?

 

“You know…” The sudden appearance of the voice makes you jump. Which is stupid because you should have felt, or seen, or expected Wash leaning next to you minutes ago. He continues.

“…if you would just apologize to them, they’d talk to you again.” He gestures towards the Red and Blue soldiers. 

You give him an angry snort. “Apologize?!” You spit out. “That hasn’t exactly worked out with _you_ , has it?” It came out more bitter and resentful, than you anticipated. 

Carolina takes that as her cue to leave. Not that she can really go anywhere out of hearing range, she is tied down to a certain parameter around Epsilon. You know the Carolina back from Project Freelancer would have stayed and demanded answers, as to what is going on, and that you should sort it out already. The Carolina in the hologram chamber would have too. This one doesn’t. She found something crucial in regards for both of you, something that you all were missing back at the project. Respect. 

 

He watches her leave and you watch him. “Church…” He’s calmer now, then when he just joined the Reds and Blues. It really shows in the way he tries to approach difficult situation in a more cool-headed fashion, but you now the underlying irritation in his voice a bit too well. 

He takes a deep breath.

“You now I don’t actually hate you, right?” 

 

Oh, he’s on.

 

“Really?!”, you snort out. He doesn’t look at you. “Because avoiding me like the plague and refusing to stay alone with me in one room- hell, even refusing to speak with me- sure make it sound like you do hate me, doesn’t it?” You’re not exactly on your top behavior either, but at least you’re trying your best here.

“It’s not easy for me to-“

You cut him off. “Not easy for _you_?! Obviously, it’s always about you, isn’t it? Imagine how I feel! I’m just trying to make things right between us and you, as stubborn as you are, continue to brush me off. Why won’t you just accept it?”

 

His helmet makes a clicking sound, when he slides it off. And perhaps you were a bit harsh, you realize while taking a metaphorical step back. It’s also something completely different to _see_ his anger, then to just hear it. You weren’t prepared for that.

“I am not some kind of ticket for a guilt-free consciousness for you, Epsilon.” _Epsilon_. This is not good. 

You hold up your hologram hands in surrender. “That’s not what I-“

“But it is! You are constantly trying to use me for the sake of making yourself feel better. What are you going to do, if I do forgive you? Are you going to wake up and be able to look at yourself in the mirror again? What are you looking for? Closure?” The worst part is, you can’t really deny it.

“It’s not just that…I want you to be okay too. I want us both to be alright again.”

“You weren’t even there for what came after the implantation. They pulled you after three days and you were frozen in the capsule up until we got you out. You have no idea of what I went through during these years of torture. I lost my mind. Do you know what it takes for a human to lose their mind? You can’t just come up to me and apologize and expect that everything is going to be okay again. That I am going to be okay again. That’s not how it works. That’s not how any of this works…”

He looks at you again and you realize you can’t differentiate the different emotions displayed in his eyes, because, well…there’s a lot. His hands are shaking, but his facial expression doesn’t waver nor does his voice. And for once in your life, you don’t know what to say. 

Because he has every right to be angry at you. In a way, you are responsible for what happened. You, Alpha and the Director. It probably doesn’t help, that you all look the same either. 

But he also deserves to get better. Get better and let the past go. You know, that this is the hardest lesson out there to learn.

 

It takes a while for you, to find your voice again. “But this…”, you vaguely gesture to the two of you. “…isn’t good. For anyone. Maybe we can’t be fine, but…we can try and be better.” He raises an eyebrow doubtfully.

“And I just want you back as my friend.”, which is the cheesiest thing you have ever said in your entire life. But it’s true. You do miss him, and you know how much he needs you to be his friend right now. A lifetime ago you guys used to be close after all.

“I want use to be friends again.” Screw your space-solider pride.

His eyes widen, and he searches for a hint of sarcasm or irony in your holographic depiction. He won’t find any. He swallows hard and you see the hesitation in his face. “I’m not sure if I can get better…”, he admits.

“Then we won’t make it better. We just start new.” You are the AI unit Epsilon and special Agent Washington. You are destined to be a together.

Before the other man can respond, you stretch out a holographic hand, you know Wash won’t be able to grab- you are just a bunch of ones and zeros and pile of emotions anyway. 

 

“Hi. My name is Leonard Church!” In the back of your mind you hear Carolina doing her best to suppress a laugh. You get mad at her later for that.

 

Wash stares forever at your tiny hand, looking, like he’s seriously doubting your sanity.

 

The answer sounds a bit indecisive. 

“I am Agent Wash- David. I’m David. Let’s start new.” It sounds more tried than honest, but for now it’s alright. You could work on that.

 

That is also the first time in years, you see him smile.

 

It turns out, that you’d never have enough time to work on it. Because here you are, sacrificing yourself for the greater good aga-

One last time. One final time.

You just wish that it wouldn’t mean leaving Wash behind again. You hope he’ll forgive you just one last time.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there!
> 
> I always wanted to have a scene in the show where Church and Wash finally talk about what happened, but sadly we never got one... So I wrote one myself  
> As you may or may not have notices, english is not my first language. So I appreciate every spell or grammar mistake you're willing to point out. This is also my first time writing a story in english and it was so much fun.  
> Thanks for reading!


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